Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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