2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
