if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
