I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
He had one of those small greek statue penises
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I need to calm my uterus...
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
