This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
