so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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