Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
