We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
