No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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