I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
