maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
