he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
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