we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
