yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
