I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
