The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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