For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
