what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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