good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
