i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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