Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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