His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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