god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
