oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
