Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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