Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
