I wanna bring you to show and tell
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
