My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
