Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
