You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
