At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
