Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
