I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I was not drunk enough for that final.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
