I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
