Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He? As in you personified your dick?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
