youre lurking in front of me
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
