I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
