I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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