I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
