the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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