By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
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