No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
