why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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