Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
