My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
