its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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