i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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