Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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