I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
