Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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