sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
