he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
