there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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