so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
