Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
