U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Drake has all the answers
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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