I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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