so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
