you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
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