don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Randomize
