I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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