I just pynch a tree in the face
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Randomize