i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
