If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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