I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
