I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Bring me that man meat
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize