Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
