He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
