atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Randomize
