Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
