I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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