I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
