Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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