I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
