Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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