I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
