And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
