Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize