Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
