It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
