dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
