Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
