belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
