Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize