Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You need a sexual gate keeper
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
