and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
