Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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