I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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